The Day We Met November 2005
One year ago today, I boarded a plane to Vietnam to finally bring home my baby girl. After what seemed to take an eternity filled with crying, praying, obsessing and crying, praying, and obsessing some more, the day finally came. I had stayed up all night (purposefully) packing. And, I believe I also called Nicole in a total panic/freak-out wondering what the heck it was that I was about to do.
My husband drove me (actually I drove, he rode then drove himself back) and my friend D to the airport in Atlanta. He dropped us off in a car line and headed straight back home. For those of you that know my husband, he's NEVER sick. That day he was running a terrible fever and actually stopped at the Georgia Welcome Center to get some Motrin out of a vending machine. D and I went from Atlanta to LA, then from LA to Hanoi. I actually slept ~ HARD ~ thanks to staying awake over 24 hours and I believe pure emotional exhaustion.
On the long flight I remember waking up and thinking that I couldn't believe that I was actually on a plane going back to get the little girl I'd met almost a year previously. It truly didn't feel real.
Once in Hanoi, we met up with our facilitator's wife, who would be our travel companion, as well as another agency representative and the other two adoptive families in our group. From Hanoi we flew directly to DaNang. Thirty-six hours from my door-step to DaNang. We went straight from the DaNang airport to the orphanage. (against the pleading to get to the hotel first and shower!)
When we arrived at the orphanage, I was overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that I recognized all the toddlers EXCEPT my own! I even walked over to her crib, where she was asleep with her thumb in her mouth, and said, "No, that's not her. Where's my kid?"
I recognized Trang, now known as Kimberlee, and went to her to love on her for a minute. Then a nanny came in and pointed to my sleeping angel, who I hadn't recognized. The nanny reached in and woke her up. Mistake number one. This set the tone for the rest of the day.
She started crying and clinging to her nanny. Her nanny handed her to me and, for a brief couple of minutes, I was able to hold her. I even went out to the swing, where I had first held my precious baby the previous year, and rocked her. She wasn't sure what was going on. The nannies were telling her that I was her Ma and it was starting to completely freak her out.
She had witnessed other kids' Ma come for them. Her best friend, Huong (Nicole's daughter) had a terrible time when her Ma came. So much so that Mia hit Nicole in defence of her friend. While on the swing with me a nanny walked by and the screaming started, and didn't end.
Another toddler was being adopted as well. That child too was scared and bewildered. The nannies did the unthinkable and shut these two confused and terrified children off from them in a separate room leaving them with us ~ the object of their fear. We couldn't calm them down.
Eventually the nannies came out and we tried to mingle and play with the other children, hoping that our girls would see that we were safe and not a threat to them. No go. After thirty-six hours on a plane and finally again seeing the little girl I loved, this was not good. It was hard. It sucked.
When we finally got to the hotel we were told that the G&R would be the next morning. Great. Well... It was decided that the toddlers should have another chance to meet with us since the first meeting was so hard. So, the G&R was postponed until later in the afternoon.
The next day we went back to the orphanage. My daughter saw me and bolted. We stayed for a few hours, and made some small headways, very small. I was able to hold her a couple times. I usually had to bribe her with sips from a water bottle. She did like D however, and STILL loves her! We left the G&R clothes there and returned to the hotel. A couple hours later, we arrived at a non-descript government building. We walked into a tiny little room, and there awaiting us were the babies, a wonderful orphanage worker, the director, and some officials.
I tried to sit across the table from Mia, but she refused to look up. If she caught a glimpse of me, the tears started again. I walked over to her and put a pearl necklace I'd bought her around her neck, and a hat on her that matched her outfit. I could tell she liked the necklace and I caught her sneaking glimpses at it and trying to feel it without letting on that she was touching it.
After I signed all the paperwork, while Mia was still on her nannies lap, it came time to take the official pictures of me receiving Mia. Mia WASN'T having it! Oh, the screaming!
Finally after all three of the families in our group had completed the pomp and circumstance it came time to leave. Lan, her wonderful nanny, held Mia all the way to the van while doing a not-so-good job of fighting tears. I understand her heart and I'm grateful for her, but it really really didn't help for Mia to see her beloved nanny crying too. I got Mia, hugged Lan, and headed for the van. The other little toddler girl was screaming so much that I think Mia just shut down. Once in the van, Mia cried, but it was a silent tears streaming crying. I think the shock took over right then.
We headed straight for the hotel, I think. Maybe we went to get formula. After this, it's blurry. I believe I was in some sort of shock too. I do remember that when we did get back to the hotel that I immediately bathed Mia in the sink. She was so stunned to see her reflection that she didn't even whimper. I laid down with her on the bed and we knocked out. I think D must have put her in the crib. I truly just can't remember anything other than being emotionally exhausted.
But, for all the heartache and joys in Vietnam, this little angel was finally MINE ~ Mia (Italian, meaning 'mine')
We have come so far in one year. It is hard to believe how this little girl that is attached at my hip didn't want anything to do with me. This little girl, who wore rags can't get enough of "princess" dresses. This little girl who spoke another language counts in English and Spanish now. This little girl who refused to look up now insists that you look at her while she's talking to you. This little girl who sat in a corner of a hotel room, shoulders slumped, not saying a peep now puts on a tiara and a tutu and dances and sings at the top of her lungs. This little girl who didn't let me hear her laugh even a little for at least six weeks after we'd been home now can't wait to get mommy tickles and actually snorts when she belly-laughs. This little girl who kicked at me and refused any kindness I'd show her now hangs on my neck and says, "I love you Mommy!" and "Mommy always comes back." ~ That's right baby girl! When I met you adption wasn't open, but I came back. I'll always come back!
She has been, and is, worth all the long agonizing waiting, the heartbreak of a child who initially rejected me, the fear I've felt of the unknown, the medical issues, the language barrier, all of it. She's worth it. B found the song by Tracy Chapman that I have on the sidebar that I've dedicated to Mia. It's hard to believe that a year has gone by, but she waited for me and I returned for her, just like the song says, and just like my Little Miss Mia says, "mommy always comes back".
She had witnessed other kids' Ma come for them. Her best friend, Huong (Nicole's daughter) had a terrible time when her Ma came. So much so that Mia hit Nicole in defence of her friend. While on the swing with me a nanny walked by and the screaming started, and didn't end.
Another toddler was being adopted as well. That child too was scared and bewildered. The nannies did the unthinkable and shut these two confused and terrified children off from them in a separate room leaving them with us ~ the object of their fear. We couldn't calm them down.
Eventually the nannies came out and we tried to mingle and play with the other children, hoping that our girls would see that we were safe and not a threat to them. No go. After thirty-six hours on a plane and finally again seeing the little girl I loved, this was not good. It was hard. It sucked.
When we finally got to the hotel we were told that the G&R would be the next morning. Great. Well... It was decided that the toddlers should have another chance to meet with us since the first meeting was so hard. So, the G&R was postponed until later in the afternoon.
The next day we went back to the orphanage. My daughter saw me and bolted. We stayed for a few hours, and made some small headways, very small. I was able to hold her a couple times. I usually had to bribe her with sips from a water bottle. She did like D however, and STILL loves her! We left the G&R clothes there and returned to the hotel. A couple hours later, we arrived at a non-descript government building. We walked into a tiny little room, and there awaiting us were the babies, a wonderful orphanage worker, the director, and some officials.
I tried to sit across the table from Mia, but she refused to look up. If she caught a glimpse of me, the tears started again. I walked over to her and put a pearl necklace I'd bought her around her neck, and a hat on her that matched her outfit. I could tell she liked the necklace and I caught her sneaking glimpses at it and trying to feel it without letting on that she was touching it.
After I signed all the paperwork, while Mia was still on her nannies lap, it came time to take the official pictures of me receiving Mia. Mia WASN'T having it! Oh, the screaming!
Finally after all three of the families in our group had completed the pomp and circumstance it came time to leave. Lan, her wonderful nanny, held Mia all the way to the van while doing a not-so-good job of fighting tears. I understand her heart and I'm grateful for her, but it really really didn't help for Mia to see her beloved nanny crying too. I got Mia, hugged Lan, and headed for the van. The other little toddler girl was screaming so much that I think Mia just shut down. Once in the van, Mia cried, but it was a silent tears streaming crying. I think the shock took over right then.
We headed straight for the hotel, I think. Maybe we went to get formula. After this, it's blurry. I believe I was in some sort of shock too. I do remember that when we did get back to the hotel that I immediately bathed Mia in the sink. She was so stunned to see her reflection that she didn't even whimper. I laid down with her on the bed and we knocked out. I think D must have put her in the crib. I truly just can't remember anything other than being emotionally exhausted.
But, for all the heartache and joys in Vietnam, this little angel was finally MINE ~ Mia (Italian, meaning 'mine')
We have come so far in one year. It is hard to believe how this little girl that is attached at my hip didn't want anything to do with me. This little girl, who wore rags can't get enough of "princess" dresses. This little girl who spoke another language counts in English and Spanish now. This little girl who refused to look up now insists that you look at her while she's talking to you. This little girl who sat in a corner of a hotel room, shoulders slumped, not saying a peep now puts on a tiara and a tutu and dances and sings at the top of her lungs. This little girl who didn't let me hear her laugh even a little for at least six weeks after we'd been home now can't wait to get mommy tickles and actually snorts when she belly-laughs. This little girl who kicked at me and refused any kindness I'd show her now hangs on my neck and says, "I love you Mommy!" and "Mommy always comes back." ~ That's right baby girl! When I met you adption wasn't open, but I came back. I'll always come back!
She has been, and is, worth all the long agonizing waiting, the heartbreak of a child who initially rejected me, the fear I've felt of the unknown, the medical issues, the language barrier, all of it. She's worth it. B found the song by Tracy Chapman that I have on the sidebar that I've dedicated to Mia. It's hard to believe that a year has gone by, but she waited for me and I returned for her, just like the song says, and just like my Little Miss Mia says, "mommy always comes back".
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